Thursday, May 25, 2006
'Say it if it's worth saving me; hurry I'm falling" - Nickelback
Dammit, cut off my phone lah, I'll fix it dammit. I use the damn thing out of NECESSITY, please, to call YOU and so YOU can call me; and also to preserve my freaking SANITY when you're driving me and around the wall, day after day. Your little plans and ideas are ridiculous, they are ABSOLUTELY insane and uncalled for. Yeah you don't care if I'm out in teh rain for 10 hours; bloody hell you're lucky nothing happened, and if something actually did, I'd be smiling to see you regret. Whatever, I'm dreading having to spend so much time with you; every day is a freaking battle in this house, I'm so used to it I don't give a shit anymore. To be fair, no this house is not breaking apart, people are doing their jobs; but the happiness and shit IS. Because every day is a new squabble. Yes, I'm learning to manage, damnit. I cry ALONE, far from where you can see me and attempt to delve or confide in these things people call 'friends' whatever they are and whatever it actually really means. I can't wait for the term to be over so that I can get a break from your whining, your pintpointing and from beign the victim of your shitload of words that do nothing more than kill what 'spirit' that's left in me. I hate you, at least I think I do; pleas just shut up and leave me alone. You know what's the worst in cutting off the phone line? I lose contact with the world that actually cares; the REAL world where I'm more comfortable and at peace making mistakes. Shut up with your 'concern' over my grades- you don't give a shit about anything else, every DAMN day you find SOMEWAY to rope that in- your grades suck, your grades suck, your grades suck. I get it dammit, now just stuff it and get off my back, please. And stop driving me further into this SHITHOLE. Oh I am going to do this that, in JC, NO NO MORE OF THIS THAT AND THE OTHER, you BETTER do this that and the other; dammit, you think threats work best? Look where that drove me the last time, I swear if God didn't put something in my heart that made me remember what He tells me, I would have done it. Or I would have done soemthing else to remove from this situation. This damn place gets colder, every day, I stand more and more alone. I KNOW I'm drifting away but what's worse is that it doesn't feel wrong to drift away, I feel better knowing I'm tied up less and less to you everyday. It feels right-er this way; somehow, I think it makes me easier to completely remove myself from situations where there is clash. Bleah, whatever.
Why is that my reponse to everything these days.
I flew @ 3:36 AM
'Say it if it's worth saving me; hurry I'm falling" - Nickelback
Dammit, cut off my phone lah, I'll fix it dammit. I use the damn thing out of NECESSITY, please, to call YOU and so YOU can call me; and also to preserve my freaking SANITY when you're driving me and around the wall, day after day. Your little plans and ideas are ridiculous, they are ABSOLUTELY insane and uncalled for. Yeah you don't care if I'm out in teh rain for 10 hours; bloody hell you're lucky nothing happened, and if something actually did, I'd be smiling to see you regret. Whatever, I'm dreading having to spend so much time with you; every day is a freaking battle in this house, I'm so used to it I don't give a shit anymore. To be fair, no this house is not breaking apart, people are doing their jobs; but the happiness and shit IS. Because every day is a new squabble. Yes, I'm learning to manage, damnit. I cry ALONE, far from where you can see me and attempt to delve or confide in these things people call 'friends' whatever they are and whatever it actually really means. I can't wait for the term to be over so that I can get a break from your whining, your pintpointing and from beign the victim of your shitload of words that do nothing more than kill what 'spirit' that's left in me. I hate you, at least I think I do; pleas just shut up and leave me alone. You know what's the worst in cutting off the phone line? I lose contact with the world that actually cares; the REAL world where I'm more comfortable and at peace making mistakes. Shut up with your 'concern' over my grades- you don't give a shit about anything else, every DAMN day you find SOMEWAY to rope that in- your grades suck, your grades suck, your grades suck. I get it dammit, now just stuff it and get off my back, please. And stop driving me further into this SHITHOLE. Oh I am going to do this that, in JC, NO NO MORE OF THIS THAT AND THE OTHER, you BETTER do this that and the other; dammit, you think threats work best? Look where that drove me the last time, I swear if God didn't put something in my heart that made me remember what He tells me, I would have done it. Or I would have done soemthing else to remove from this situation. This damn place gets colder, every day, I stand more and more alone. I KNOW I'm drifting away but what's worse is that it doesn't feel wrong to drift away, I feel better knowing I'm tied up less and less to you everyday. It feels right-er this way; somehow, I think it makes me easier to completely remove myself from situations where there is clash. Bleah, whatever.
Why is that my reponse to everything these days.
I flew @ 3:36 AM
