Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Today my world came crashing down. And I don't have the energy to piece it back together. I'm going to leave it like that, since people prefer it that way.
[cont]
Why, you ask. I told you but let me tell you again. I want to heal too. Things were and are getting better, that means so much to me. But I'm scared, I still am. Maybe I haven't gotten over that episode. I'm scared that you'll do it again, I'll lose you again. That's why I ask, that's why I probe. I need answers to assure me I mean something, to assure me I'm safe. I constantly fear I give you reason to put me back where I was a few months ago so I ask, always check on my 'performance' in satying in your good books. It's sick actually. It's weak, it's pathetic, it's downright digusting, I definitely agree. But I'm coping with it. I'm trying to forget, forget and move on. But it's hard, you cannot imagine even teh slightest bit waht went thorugh me, what I went trhough. I'm trying to but obviously failing miserably. Yeah, it's been along time but those were probably the worst two months of my entire life. You cannot even begin to fathom just how important what little we have is to me now. I'm sorry if I frustrate you, make you mad, possibly even make you hate me more than you once did. Trust that I don't mean to hurt you at all, that's the last thing I want to do. I want to go back to norm, to when I didn't have to care what I did or said, where I knew or at least believed to know where I stood. I had the clarity of mind and heart to focus on making things last, making every time we spent the absolute best. Maybe whatever happened can bring us together, not tear us apart? Maybe we can talk now, really talk? Whatever happened or will happen, something in me tells me I still care, that I still want to go on. I know maybe I can walk out and call it quits, maybe I should have doen that in the first place. But something in me just tells me to stay, I don't know what- I can't pin it down but it tells me to keep going, that the road doesn't end here, not now. I just need to regain the confidence that I mean something to you, that I have a place in you. Like you have in me.
In the blink of an eye- The Perishers
Didn´t I tell you to leave it all behind
Didn´t I tell you to let it slip your mind
Didn´t I tell you to let it fade away
Didn´t I tell you that some day you´ll be ok
Now I know love can turn to hate in the blink of an eye
Another lie another alibi
When your curtain fell heaven turned to hell
What was real I could never tell
I wish I would have known
Wish I would have seen
I wish I´d had some lines to read between
I just can´t understand why you cared to stay
You never truly loved me anywayI just can´t understand
Didn´t I tell you to leave it all behind
Didn´t I tell you to hide all things you find
Didn´t I tell you to let it slip away
Didn´t I tell you to do all you can to be ok
I never thought love could turn to hate in the blink of an eye
And without you it would have passed me by
And heaven turned to hell when your curtain fell
What was real I still can´t tell
I wish I would have seen wish I would have known
I wish I wouldn´t have to feel alone
I just can´t understand why you cared to stay
You never truly loved me anyway
I just can´t understand
I flew @ 12:43 AM
Today my world came crashing down. And I don't have the energy to piece it back together. I'm going to leave it like that, since people prefer it that way.
[cont]
Why, you ask. I told you but let me tell you again. I want to heal too. Things were and are getting better, that means so much to me. But I'm scared, I still am. Maybe I haven't gotten over that episode. I'm scared that you'll do it again, I'll lose you again. That's why I ask, that's why I probe. I need answers to assure me I mean something, to assure me I'm safe. I constantly fear I give you reason to put me back where I was a few months ago so I ask, always check on my 'performance' in satying in your good books. It's sick actually. It's weak, it's pathetic, it's downright digusting, I definitely agree. But I'm coping with it. I'm trying to forget, forget and move on. But it's hard, you cannot imagine even teh slightest bit waht went thorugh me, what I went trhough. I'm trying to but obviously failing miserably. Yeah, it's been along time but those were probably the worst two months of my entire life. You cannot even begin to fathom just how important what little we have is to me now. I'm sorry if I frustrate you, make you mad, possibly even make you hate me more than you once did. Trust that I don't mean to hurt you at all, that's the last thing I want to do. I want to go back to norm, to when I didn't have to care what I did or said, where I knew or at least believed to know where I stood. I had the clarity of mind and heart to focus on making things last, making every time we spent the absolute best. Maybe whatever happened can bring us together, not tear us apart? Maybe we can talk now, really talk? Whatever happened or will happen, something in me tells me I still care, that I still want to go on. I know maybe I can walk out and call it quits, maybe I should have doen that in the first place. But something in me just tells me to stay, I don't know what- I can't pin it down but it tells me to keep going, that the road doesn't end here, not now. I just need to regain the confidence that I mean something to you, that I have a place in you. Like you have in me.
In the blink of an eye- The Perishers
Didn´t I tell you to leave it all behind
Didn´t I tell you to let it slip your mind
Didn´t I tell you to let it fade away
Didn´t I tell you that some day you´ll be ok
Now I know love can turn to hate in the blink of an eye
Another lie another alibi
When your curtain fell heaven turned to hell
What was real I could never tell
I wish I would have known
Wish I would have seen
I wish I´d had some lines to read between
I just can´t understand why you cared to stay
You never truly loved me anywayI just can´t understand
Didn´t I tell you to leave it all behind
Didn´t I tell you to hide all things you find
Didn´t I tell you to let it slip away
Didn´t I tell you to do all you can to be ok
I never thought love could turn to hate in the blink of an eye
And without you it would have passed me by
And heaven turned to hell when your curtain fell
What was real I still can´t tell
I wish I would have seen wish I would have known
I wish I wouldn´t have to feel alone
I just can´t understand why you cared to stay
You never truly loved me anyway
I just can´t understand
I flew @ 12:43 AM
